My friend Steven is the best describer I know. The best. Bar none. The most creative descriptions come out of his mouth - each inciting perfect imagery. They are, of course, funnier in person, but he will occasionally throw out some gems in one of my friends’ many email threads.
I searched through my recent email history for some highlights. Here are eight.
- "that electronic high stress game" - Catch Phrase
- "that busty lesbian from Just Shoot Me" - Laura San Giocomo
- "an Anglerfish" - Miguel
- "this wayward train" - Azealia Banks
- “like Mariah is slowly sucking out her soul and leaving behind some neon residue" - this photo of Kelly Clarkson
- "a younger, more robotic Leann Rimes" - this photo of Faith Hill
- "Sade voodoo magic" - Demi’s album art
- "a selfless, dedicated Gaga spy" - Christina Aguilera
- "weirdly overdesigned" - Fab.com’s egg-shaped vibrators
I was gchatting with Steven today and then he stopped responding and later he was like, “Sorry I was interviewing Kreayshawn,” and then this piece was published.