I won’t watch the trailer for The Double because it would ruin all the fun of this poster. It seems like the guy who wrote Wanted and 3:10 to Yuma wrote and directed a movie in which Topher Grace screams, “KING KONG AIN’T GOT NOTHIN’ ON TOPHER!”
When Topher Grace gets angry, he turns into Warwick Davis. Probably.
This is the crap poster for that crap movie in which, to quote Ross, “Sarah Jessica Parker is busy.” It has this list of all this stuff that her character does to and I’m supposed to wonder how she does it all because just look at all that stuff. While you’re at it, look at that terrible bear who’s looking at us.
Here’s a list of other things I don’t know how Sarah Jessica Parker does because who cares?
I don’t know how Sarah Jessica Parker:
- Takes her coffee.
- Grips a steering wheel.
- Answers the phone – is it “Hello?” or is it “Sarah Jessica.” or “Parker phone.” or “Yellow.” or “Talk to me.” or “SJP.” or “Mrs. Broderick.” or “I don’t know how I answered this.”
- Reacts when cut off while driving.
- Types – is she all Mavis Beacon perfect or is she one of those four-finger typists?
- Sleeps. Side? Stomach? Fetal? As far away from Matthew as possible?
- Feels about non-Pixar animated films.
- Dances when no one’s watching.
- Yells at Matthew when he comes home late.
- Sings when no one’s listening.
- Felt about the media coverage of yesterday’s earthquake.
- Glares at Matthew when he goes on another “business trip.”
- Chooses a toothpaste.
- Deals with death.
This is a thing and I hate it.
With you dead, the big heat follows.
I saw The Big Heat last night at Film Forum. I’ll be writing about it (and The Mechanic for some reason) on FREEwilliamsburg this weekend, but wanted to share this poster first. It was part of a series created by TCM for their “Summer Under The Stars” in 2009.
In case you haven’t seen it, The Big Heat teaches us that a boiling pot of coffee can be a pretty fantastic weapon.
Just be careful who you scald.