bobby finger

This is the crap poster for that crap movie in which, to quote Ross, “Sarah Jessica Parker is busy.” It has this list of all this stuff that her character does to and I’m supposed to wonder how she does it all because just look at all that stuff. While you’re at it, look at that terrible bear who’s looking at us.

Here’s a list of other things I don’t know how Sarah Jessica Parker does because who cares?

I don’t know how Sarah Jessica Parker:

• Takes her coffee.
• Grips a steering wheel.
• Answers the phone – is it “Hello?” or is it “Sarah Jessica.” or “Parker phone.” or “Yellow.” or “Talk to me.” or “SJP.” or “Mrs. Broderick.” or “I don’t know how I answered this.”
• Reacts when cut off while driving.
• Types – is she all Mavis Beacon perfect or is she one of those four-finger typists?
• Sleeps. Side? Stomach? Fetal? As far away from Matthew as possible?
• Feels about non-Pixar animated films.
• Dances when no one’s watching.
• Yells at Matthew when he comes home late.
• Sings when no one’s listening.
• Felt about the media coverage of yesterday’s earthquake.
• Glares at Matthew when he goes on another “business trip.”
• Chooses a toothpaste.
• Deals with death.