Just looking at the Facebook profile of the mother-I’ve-never-met of some dude I kind of know from high school even though we didn’t go to the same high school and stumbled upon some gold.

Francesca wishing her mother happy birthday on the phone

  • Bobby: Tell your mom I said, "Happy Birthday."
  • Francesca: (To her mother) Mom, Bobby says, "Happy birthday Marie, you hot bitch."
  • Bobby: Francesca!!
  • Francesca: She says, "Thank you, Bobby."
My friend isn’t Facebook friends with her mom but I’m Facebook friends with her mom so it’s up to me to do things like this because 2012.
View Separately

My friend isn’t Facebook friends with her mom but I’m Facebook friends with her mom so it’s up to me to do things like this because 2012.

Things I won’t say to my mother when I call her tonight:

  • I just wanted to call you now in case the power goes out on Sunday and I can’t charge my phone or I drown.
  • If they don’t recover my body after the storm, don’t bury an empty casket. It just feels so wasteful!
  • Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!
    E’en though it be a cross that raiseth me;
    Still all my song would be nearer, my God, to Thee,
    Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee! 

    Though like the wanderer, the sun gone down,
    Darkness be over me, my rest a stone;
    Yet in my dreams I’d be nearer, my God, to Thee,
    Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee! 

    There let the way appear steps unto heav’n;
    All that Thou sendest me in mercy giv’n;
    Angels to beckon me nearer, my God, to Thee,
    Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee! 

    The with my waking thoughts bright with Thy praise,
    Out of my stony griefs Bethel I’ll raise;
    So by my woes to be nearer, my God, to Thee,
    Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee! 

    Or if on joyful wing, cleaving the sky,
    Sun, moon, and stars forgot, upwards I fly,
    Still all my song shall be, nearer, my God, to Thee,
    Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee! 

In some parts of the world, like my friend Christie’s parents’ house, email will never advance beyond 1998. Fortunately for me (and everyone, really), she always forwards me her mom’s inspirational forwards, and this is the best one I’ve ever received. Not only does it make weird parallels between random babies and celebrities (I’m looking at you, Kate Hudson), it’s about 4x longer than what I’ve included here. “And me too.”
View Separately

In some parts of the world, like my friend Christie’s parents’ house, email will never advance beyond 1998. Fortunately for me (and everyone, really), she always forwards me her mom’s inspirational forwards, and this is the best one I’ve ever received. Not only does it make weird parallels between random babies and celebrities (I’m looking at you, Kate Hudson), it’s about 4x longer than what I’ve included here.

“And me too.”