before 'spring breakers' there was a featurette for 'the host' and stephenie meyer appeared onscreen
- christine: do you think she's ever had sex?
- no one responds. christine puts a few more hot tamales in her mouth.
My father was a principal. You could read it in his neckties.
I was the Vice President of our Student Council and had to attend an event (at which I was giving some kind of stupid address) in a suit and tie. I had a suit, but couldn’t find any ties in my notoriously cluttered closet. I rushed downstairs and asked my dad if I could raid the tie organizer I had given him a number of Father’s Days prior. After pressing the red button, the strained motor began spinning his ties most pathetically until I removed my thumb.
There it was - the tie I would wear.
I went to school and met with our Vice Principal prior to the event. He was the Student Council sponsor. The cool one. The one with tattoos on his forearm. The one with the coolest office. The one who told us that story about how he was always getting suspended in high school until “growing up” and make it through college with honors. How he went to grad school to become a educator because educators inspired him toturn his life around. After entering his office, where the local top 40 station could always be heard, he smiled.
“Hey Bobby.” After tilting his head down and examining my outfit further, he continued. “Raided your father’s tie rack, I see.” He chuckled, then patted me on the shoulder while walking me to our event.
I’m still cringing.
We were running so late, and my mother had to go to the other side of town to pick up Sandy - my sister’s best friend at the time.
Or were they just good friends? Or was Sandy just her only friend who was free? I don’t remember much beyond the fact that I was worried about the movie selling out. Sandy jumped in the back of the car and I remained in the front, to the left of my mother, not talking – just staring out the window and coming closer to an anxiety attack with every passing street sign. There would be overlap, that I knew. The first would get out and we would sprint to the second. Trailers would certainly be missed, but what about the important introductory scenes? I had no idea, but even in my youth I was quite good at pessimistic speculation. I was convinced we wouldn’t even get tickets, that my mom would idle in the parking lot just long enough to listen to a radio station’s commercial break before the three of us slinked back in the car.
“Possession” by Sarah McLachlan began playing. That I remember. I hummed along, my forehead against the glass. Soon, a sign for EMBASSY 14 appeared in my periphery.
So did the lines.
“Just get out here and Bobby and I will circle,” my mom said calmly. She handed them her credit card and we drove slowly around all the overheating cars, just as she said. I knew it was over.
More lot circling. More adult contemporary. My mother must have talked, but I took no interest in what she had to say and instead fixated on the lines that kept getting longer. That waviness that had always been coupled with summers in Texas was suddenly hotter. Scarier. But despite my fears, Valerie and Sandy’s wavy bodies continued inching closer to the box office window. They hadn’t lost hope. I turned up the A/C.
Finally, with our backs to the box office after Pullman knows how many parking lot circles, the door opened. “LET’S GO, BOBBY.” She handed me both tickets and I turned to the driver’s seat, speechless. We’d made it. I looked down. INDEPENDENCE DAY and PHENOMENON - both in one hand. My hand.
Mom smiled and I ran with my sister and her friend to the auditorium. The previews had just begun.
One time in school everyone was talking about how they saw the BEAN movie over the weekend and I wanted to fit in so I said I saw it too and then someone asked what my favorite scene was and I just described the scene when he sneezed on a painting but I did voices and gestures so they all laughed and believed me and to this day I haven’t seen BEAN.
~~~~MiDdLe ScHoOl FlAsHbAcK~~~~
- Bully: I HEARD YOU'VE BEEN DISSIN' ME.
- Me: What does that mean?
I wanted to see The Frighteners so badly in the summer of 1996 but knew I wouldn’t be “allowed” because it was rated R. Fortunately for me, I visited my cousin in Austin on the weekend of its release, and since his mother was my “cool” aunt, she agreed to take us.
We arrived at the theater only to discover that it was sold out and saw Harriet the Spy instead.
I’m seeing Garbage tonight and thinking about that time I wouldn’t stop listening to Now That’s What I Call Music 2 on a trip to visit my grandparents
Literally every track was the best:
“Baby One More Time”
“You Get What You Give”
“My Favorite Mistake”
“I Think I’m Paranoid”
“Because of You”
“Take Me There”
“When a Woman’s Fed Up”
“Father of Mine”
“What I Got”
“I’ll Never Break Your Heart”
“Hard Knock Life”
“Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)”
Though each of these songs was a hit in their own right, it’s hard for me to separate them from this particular track list. I can’t listen to The Spice Girls’ “Goodbye” (and yes, I do still listen to The Spice Girls’ “Goodbye”) without expecting the Rugrats-sampling “Take Me There” to begin playing immediately after. I’m also transported to a very particular summer when my family visited my grandparents. What would Stanislavski call that - a sense memory? Whatever the case, I listened to “Now 2” during much of the drive, discussed “Now 2” during much of the drive, and hummed along with “Now 2” during much of the drive. After finally switching to a different album while sitting in my grandparents’ den, I returned the perfect disc to its hinged cradle (that held the most beautiful album art of all time) and set it on the couch – the very couch where my brother planned to sit just moments later.
I reacted to the sound of the crack as if being jolted awake from a deep sleep. The crunch entered my ear canal and proceeded to inform my brain that something had just gone wrong – that my universe had suddenly collapsed. “Oh, I think I sat on your CD,” said my brother as he held its remains with a half-smile. I couldn’t even formulate a response. I couldn’t even look at him. I just took the two pieces of reflective plastic and attempted to reconnect their rainbows. It didn’t work.
It’s such a hard knock life.
After more than 13 years at the Texas Union, Junior, “The Wendy’s Guy,” has gone home.
[It is unknown why] Junior has left, but [he] came in for his last paycheck and only said that he would not be continuing to work in Austin.
Known for his excited performances and speed while calling up orders for customers at the Union’s Wendy’s, Ishmael Mohammed Jr., or Junior, worked at the Union from 1998 until last month. In 2005, Junior broke the world record for most sales at a fast food restaurant in 30 minutes, making 246 sales — $1,035.43 — for Wendy’s in the 30 minute time span between 12 p.m. and 12:30 p.m.
I ordered so many Spicy Chicken Sandwiches from that guy.
My friend just emailed me about seeing a production of “The Crucible” today and this is the true story I told in response.
Have I ever told you about my insane high school theatre director who had his senior class (when I was a junior) rewrite The Crucible so it was set during the McCarthy hearings? Like, he made them remove the allegory, but I don’t think it was as an exercise about allegories - I think he was just insane? The end result was a complete disaster. Nightmarish. There’s this scene when these two dapper-looking guys in 1950s attire are interrogating Tituba (the character names weren’t changed) in this minimalist set - just a bulb hanging from the ceiling - and they’re like banging on the table “GIVE US THE NAMES, TITUBA.” Oh my god I’m laughing out loud thinking about it. In the fall of 2000, my first high school play was Romeo & Juliet. He set that one during the Vietnam war (the Capulets were army people/patriots/conservatives and the Montagues were hippies) and was asking us all for music suggestions for the masquerade ball scene. Some girl responded, “N*SYNC, THIS I PROMISE YOU” and he THREW A PEN AT HER FACE.
Just wanted to share.
Remembered Christmas conversations with my parents
- Mom: I want to see "Joyful Noise."
- Dad: What's that?
- Mom: Oh, it's Dolly Parton and Queen Latifah. Dolly's grandson falls in love with Queen Latifah's daughter. It looks cute!
- Bobby: And they're in a church choir? There's a church choir competition?
- Mom: I don't remember anything about a choir.