Two of my best friends in college lived in an apartment in West Campus across the street from that girl who was brutally murdered and partially dismembered when I was a freshman and in their courtyard was a large and well maintained pool that people rarely swam in.
(Though one time I was leaving the apartment and saw a girl I barely knew having sex in the water and she said, “Oh hey Bobby!” while it was happening as if it wasn’t actually happening but I assure you it was certainly happening.) Hanging on a nearby wall was one of those hooks attached to a long, maybe 8-foot, rod meant for pulling a drowning person out of the water. The hook was used a few times a week by one of the apartment’s residents. Her name has since drifted away as the names of all those college acquaintances I treasured knowing just so I could wave to them on the south lawn and feel like college was as exciting as it was in the movies have, but the two things I do remember about her are:
- She was allegedly an honor student
- She invited my friends and I to drink with her and her roommates most weeknights
I’d enter the courtyard through the creaky gate that I always considered putting WD-40 on and pass her first floor patio where she sat the the table she and her roommates stole from a nearby Taco Cabana and she’d say, in her Dallas drawl, “Bobby, it’s Monday night drinkin’ night. Want a shot?” If alone, I’d decline it. If with others, there was a 30% chance we’d go inside, take a shot of Jack Daniels, and walk out. The next day I’d hear the creak and then, suddenly, “Hey Bobby, it’s Tuesday night drinkin’ night. Want a shot?”
“Hey Bobby, it’s Wednesday night drinkin’ night. Want a shot?”
“Hey Bobby, it’s Thursday night drinkin’ night. Want a shot?”
Now, I should make it clear that she was not getting shithoused every weeknight, she was merely drinking socially with her roommates before, I presume, taking care of schoolwork. Again, I heard she was an honor student, so she was obviously TCB’ing somehow. But every other Thursday night or so (that apartment complex was my second home for two years), my friends and I would hear a noise coming from their courtyard. It was her. And she had the lifeguard hook in her hand.
Generally she was alone, but the amount of guttural laughter made it apparent that she was having the time of her life with herself. She walked around the courtyard tapping on all the windows with her lifeguard hook while screaming things like, “Let’s drink!” or “It’s Thursday night drinkin’ night!” or “Shots! Shots!” or “Hahahahaahahahaaahahhahahhahahhahahhaha.” Every few months she’s pound too hard and shatter a window and run back into her apartment, but for the most part she tapped until her arms got tired and toss the hook aside. The next morning it would be at the bottom of the pool. By the afternoon, it would be hanging on the wall again.
A friend’s office was robbed and mostly I feel bad for him/his coworkers because theft is always unfortunate and terrible but also, I mean, like, come on, this is an episode of The Big Bang Theory.
That guy in the cap and glasses beat up Mike Soret and Andrew Oppleman in front of Roppolo’s Pizza during Pride Week in Austin. Andrew was thrown to the ground. Mike lost eight teeth. They “believe they were attacked because of their sexual orientation.”
Any of my Austin followers recognize that guy? If you do, let the APD know. Sure, it’s a long shot, but come on - how many slices of Roppolo’s flavorless, overpriced pizza did we eat during college? How many times did we all feel comfortable because a place was well-lit? Because we were in a crowd?
Oh Austin, you’re better than this.
Bob Schneider - “The World Exploded Into Love” (Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood version)
The original version of this song is found on Bob Schneider’s first major-label album, 2000’s Lonelyland. This (the best) version is found on the soundtrack to Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Please trust me, please deal with it, and please listen.
If you have problems, get outta my feed.
Ry Cooder - “Paris, Texas”
Severely jealous of my Texas friends who are seeing Paris, Texas for the first time at the grand opening of Austin’s new downtown theater, Violet Crown Cinema.
I wish I could attend and roll my eyes at people, and watch people roll their eyes at me, and drink a few bottles of Shiner.
Took this earlier today after meeting up with my brother-in-law Austin from Austin. Additionally, my single “My Single Is Dropping” is dropping.
…And that divide between the haves and the have-nots—the people who had the best days of their lives this week, and the people who left feeling like SXSW is so huge and unwieldy and dangerous that it’s no longer any fun—ran especially deep this year. And between the problems at Seaholm, and the mini-riot at Beauty Bar over a reunion set from Death From Above 1979—which ended in people tearing down fences, climbing nearby rooftops, and mounted police swarming in with Tasers and mace and making several arrests—Saturday added to the mounting fears that SXSW may officially be too big to control, which is a worry that the organizers have even expressed themselves.
Then we went to Barbarella to dance, but it was a super weird crowd of young people in like running shorts and sports bras. They played LCD’s I Can Change early, so there was really no reason to stay after that.
Cool story, bro
Four years ago, a pair of stories conceivably bound for anguish and despair converged on a college campus. Gary Johnson and Matt Nader enrolled at Texas with little in common except bodies built for athletic excellence, unseen afflictions threatening their ability to achieve it, and hearts broken in more than one sense of the word. But somehow, over time, two distinct beats emerged. Hemoglobin flowed to all the right places, and hope did the same. Where before there had been chaos and abnormality, there was rhythm.
There was circulation.
There was life.
My older (and only) brother has been a sportswriter for the San Antonio and Houston newspapers for about 10 years. Sports aren’t exactly my “thing” so I don’t read his work every day, but occasionally I’ll be reminded that I should check it out more frequently. This was great.