bobby finger

So I was just thinking about Nancy Meyers.

That isn’t strange for me. It’s entirely normal for me to spend the majority of my commute contemplating romantic comedies and their writer/directors and why I either love them or hate them and will almost always watch them unless they’re He’s Just Not That Into You because that was the most insufferable first 13 minutes of my life. So there I was, headphones in and paying zero attention to the sound escaping from them because I had more important things to think about. Things like the fact that most lead characters in Nancy Meyers movies are identical. (Baby Boom, Father of the Bride, The Parent Trap, Something’s Gotta Give, The Holiday, It’s Complicated)

If I were visiting one of her characters at their house in the Hamptons, I’d pour us some stiff drinks, sit them down on their white sofa in front of the coffee table on which art and design books are stacked to heights that make actually grabbing one to read an impossible ordeal, and tell them:

Look, I know you do your best to seem independent by supporting yourself through a creative endeavor or business you own, but you’re actually a disingenuous know-it-all whom everyone pretends to love just because they like coming to your parties. I suppose I should feel sympathy for your wrecked romantic life, though. A nasty break-up has left you with nothing but this gorgeous home, a career that is bringing you more and more success with each passing quarter, and kids who would be perfect if they weren’t so obsessed with you. But alas, you’re still looking. The lengthy list of requirements for Mr./Ms. Right that you keep in your Moleskine is mostly footnotes and is soaked in a combination of tears and Pellegrino, but that doesn’t stop you from adding more bullet points each night just before passing out in your chaise overlooking the ocean. Fixing your problems usually relies on something that can be purchased with your American Express Invisible card, like a new oven or a plane ticket across the country or the world. And once your problems are solved and the credits roll, we can only assume you and your partner’s narcissism and unrealistic expectations will lead to another breakup. But hey, at least you’ll still have that house.