We finished a puzzle.
Josh made this Arrested Development cookbook and it’s very funny.
Last night Lindsey and I finally duetted “Just Give Me A Reason” at karaoke and it was much more difficult that either of us expected. We’re not broken, though. Just bent. And we will learn to sing it again.
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The torn velvet curtain of evening fell over the blighted town.
We huddled against each other in our makeshift lean-to built of errant bolts of fabric and loose barrettes, struggling to keep warm for another night. There was glitter everywhere: in our lungs, caked in our bones, glinting between our yellowed teeth.
George rubbed his dirty glasses against our tent ineffectually while Sam and Lilah whispered quiet prayers to a dead God for salvation, or at least the intercession of a friendly sexton to wipe away the years of twee grime that stuck to us like shadows.
Something in me knew She would visit again tonight, and I shuddered to think of it. Last time we lost James, watched him rent limb from limb and assembled into “projects”—his bones a decorative thumbtack, his skin a hair bow. She left us nothing but memories of his shy smile, his quiet strength.
I knew there was never anywhere to run, nor would there be. She was ageless but eternal, as swift as winter winds, as cruel as nature—but unlike the trees and the streams (ah, I can almost still remember these!) there was no spirit in Her.
Nothing but a cold, empty hole, adorned with pink, its shell plastered with a terrifying rictus. There would be no escaping, so we lay there, trying to maintain our humanity in what would assuredly be our last moments.
Just before dusk a high-pitched howl split the night, waking me from my reverie, and She lumbered into view.
“Who will be repurposed tonight?” She shrieked.
Andrew, you’re wonderful. This is so funny and good.
whenever it came out on VHS and apparently they had no idea what it was about - only that it starred Andy Garcia and Meg Ryan. So, like any couple in the early 90s, they probably thought, “Sounds good! Sounds like a treat!” I mean, the cover is of the two of them embracing on a New York City park bench. Why not, right? So they watched it. I did not watch it because it was rated R and this was a movie for mom and dad. I remember asking them how it was the next morning and my mom just said, “It was awful! It was just awful.” Then as the conversation continued, she said something like, “I had no idea it was going to be about an alcoholic!” A little more about how depressing it was. Maybe she said this to my brother and sister. Maybe my dad. Maybe she just said it to no one in particular while making breakfast because her shock still hadn’t gone away. I don’t know, but it stuck with me. When A Man Loves A Woman is awful. Just awful.
I’ve never seen When A Man Loves A Woman.
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Business Insider is a cool website.
“Jamie Shupak: [Kiernan] played a big part in Brian [Slelter, of The New York Times] and I getting together. Well, Brian first found me on Twitter, and then he asked Pat right away if I was single before he messaged me the first time. Then Pat, without me knowing, was sort of playing wingman to Brian to help him date me. So it’s really funny when people are like, ‘You and Pat, you guys are making out, aren’t you?’ And I’m like, ‘No, actually, he helped me and my boyfriend get together.’” — The Oral History of NY1 is the greatest thing on the internet today.
In this post she literally tells her readers to buy new shirts from American Apparel and spray them with bleach.
(via How to Use Bleach to Make Your Own Custom T-Shirts | Brit Co.)
This 8-step guide on smizing is pretty helpful if you are a Martian with Aspergers pretending to be real human.
I know for a fact that just a few days (weeks?) ago I was explaining the plot of Big Business to someone who hadn’t heard of it and I have no idea where it happened or to whom I was speaking but I really hope they have since watched it because Big Business rules.