HEY Y'ALL I JUST SLICED MY FINGER OPEN ON A RUSTY DRYER AND STARTED BLEEDING LIKE CRAZY BUT GUESS WHAT I'M NOT FREAKING OUT ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF TETANUS BECAUSE THIS EXACT THING HAPPENED TO ME THREE YEARS AGO ON A DIRTY SUBWAY TURNSTILE AND I FREAKED OUT AND GOT THAT 10-YEAR TETANUS BOOSTER SHOT SO I'M ALL GOOD BRING ON THE RUST BRING ON THE DIRTY THIS TIME BABY I'LL BEEEEEEE TETANUSPROOOOOOOOF.
What if the ghosts of Aaliyah, Selena, and Mary Todd Lincoln woke you up late one night just to chat?
Like, you’re in a nice little REM cycle and Mary starts hovering over you going “wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up” and Aaliyah scans/judges your bookshelf and Selena stares up at the moon through your window while humming a tune she’s been working on and you’re like “um ladies excuse me what’s going on what’re you doing in my room” and they’re like “we wanted to talk to you about ‘Les Mis’ for a hot second.”
When I read about Kate Winslet going to space I laughed long and I laughed hard. I can’t remember a celebrity story that made me laugh this maniacally. Something that made me this excited about pop culture. Something that made me treasure my normal life and my normal friends who are not marrying Richard Branson’s son or anyone with a name like Rocknroll. It’s not about a wedding or a baby or a sex tape or an offensive remark or a moment of supreme shade-throwing. It’s about space. Kate Winslet is going to space! This is normal for her. She added it to her iCal the way I add a dentist appointment. “Ah yes, on Saturday I’ll be going to space, so I can’t meet Leo for brunch.” I love it! I love it all. But despite the fact that this is the best celebrity story of the year (made it just in time!), I will soon be over it. I’ll move on to something better. Something else. Maybe it will involve Bill Pullman and a robot. Maybe Julia Roberts and a spelunking mission. Who knows what it will be! I have only a few moments left to enjoy Kate Winslet in space. To look at Kate Winslet in space. Always to look at Kate Winslet in space and to know it for what it is. At last to know it. To love it for what it is, and then, to put it away. Leonard. Always the years between us. Always the years. Always the love. Always the hours. Always the Kate Winslet in Space.
“So let’s recap this: Kate Winslet secretly married a man named Ned Rocknroll, the nephew of a man whose mother Kate saved from a fire on a private island, and she was walked down the aisle by Leonardo DiCaprio. Kate Winslet, lades and gentlemen! Here we were, thinking that she was one of the down-to-earth ones, one of the normal-ish ones. Sure, sure, she was pretty awful during her 2009 awards season run, but mostly she appeared to be free of the trappings of Hollyweird. Turns out? Nope. Not at all. Kate Winslet is as weird as they come. Rescuer of fire-threatened old ladies on magical private islands, wife of a man named Ned Rocknroll, profession unknown. Given away by Leonardo DiCaprio. Who knew?”—Richard Lawson on Mrs. Rock’NRoll (via interweber)
“With that said, Kwanzaa-hating has always struck me as the most bougie and snobbish of holiday traditions. It’s that cool that Jonathan Safran Foer thinks that “no one is quite sure what Kwanzaa is,” but I’m not sure “what Hanukkah is.” And for most of my life, no one I knew was quite sure either. I’m only barely sure “what Christmas is.” (Celebrating the birth of your savior with an orgy of consumption?) It’s just seems bizarre in America, of all places, to stand on vintage. Has there ever been a more mongrel, more made-up, country that this one? Have there ever been two more “made up people” then the “white race” and the “black race?” This country is a mongrel mess — and its traditions are, too. That’s the whole charm of the thing. No one who takes the Easter Bunny seriously should mock Kwanzaa. This is about equality. Black people have right to make shit up, just as white people have the right to make shit up.”—
Haha. Thank you! It's a labor of love. I hadn't really updated it in a while, but I decided to pick back up on the train, because I love the concept so much and I don't want it to fade into internet obscurity.
The phenomenon of #wetlook videos on YouTube has been a minor obsession of mine for months and months, and I am so happy Nick let me write about it for the blog. Please enjoy this serious exploration of online media that features wet, fully-clothed people.
I have actually been waiting weeks and weeks to read this.
“Peggy Noonan is someone who is very, very skilled at making bullshit look like some elegant soufflé… She’s very good at rhetoric and argument, but it’s still not grounded in the truth—it all falls apart every four years, but I don’t think she’ll be out of a job any time soon.” —Nate Silver, Out, 2012
“Do I think [Madonna is] a great performer? Yeah. Do I think she’s a great actress? No. Acting is what I do, so I’m harder on people when they say, ‘Oh, I can do that - I can act.’ I’m like, ‘Hey, don’t spit on my craft.”’ —Jennifer Lopez, Movieline, 1998
Dan does things with pop culture that very few even know is possible.
“we had a cooking club meeting last night and he was like ‘I have tons of friends in common with bobby but somehow never met him, he’s very funny’ and I was like ‘the thing is, those aren’t really jokes.’”—Colin just accidentally wrote my bio.
When I got laid off from my first job I went home and drank the entire bottle of wine my coworkers had given me just a few days prior for my birthday and then I stumbled over to this particular noodle house to have dinner with my friends who were in law school and I said very miserable, uncomfortable things like, “HOW’S LAWWWWWW SCHOOL HOW ARE THE CONTRACTS HOW’S THE SOCRAAAAAATIC METHOD LOLLLLLOLOLOL HAVE FUN BEING LAWYERS I DON’T HAVE A JOBBBBBBBBBBB” and then I went home and got very sad and decided to move to New York. So I moved to New York.
I’ve always associated Thai Noodle House with that moment I decided to move, so this news is pretty unfortunate.