- Rachel: I wrote a lot of short stories about a girl named Clarice when I was 10 or 11 because I loved the name.
- Me: Was she anything like Clarice Starling?
- Rachel: Oh no, not at all. She was an ice skater. An Olympic hopeful.
Joan: If God had a name, what would it be?
Joan: And would you call it to his face?
Me: Yes, but behind his back I’d call him Gwyneth.
Joan: If you were faced with him in all his glory, what would you ask if you had just one question?
Me: Why do phone companies think it’s OK to charge so much for text messages?
Joan: If God had a face, what would it look like?
Me: Like this weird combination of James Earl Jones and one or all of the Culkins.
Joan: And would you want to see if seeing meant that you would have to believe in things like heaven and in Jesus and the saints and all the prophets?
Me: I think seeing someone who looked like a weird combination James Earl Jones and one or all of the Culkins would be worth that, yes.
Two or three times a week I cross paths with the same guy walking north as I walk south from my office building. He’s maybe 32 years old, 5’8”, with a short, well-coiffed head of near-violet hair. He (let’s call him Fred) usually wears shorts, a polo, big sunglasses, and a tote bag that looks glued to his side. I’m basically saying Fred’s hard to miss.
Because of his enormous sunglasses, I’ve never known whether or not we’ve ever made eye contact. But yesterday, after over a year of seeing each other two or three times a week on the same street at the same time, we both laughed at each other. I’m not exactly sure what the laugh meant, but we laughed.
Maybe I should ask for a picture with him next time.
- Bex: DUDE. what is a chocolate snack pack? and why is it in the fridge?
- me: it's just pudding. https://www.samedaygrocerydelivery.com/products/g1116.jpg but it's the best pudding because it has the best name
- Bex: why is it called a SNACK PACK? a pack of snacks? i see no pack!
- me: WHY WOULDN'T IT BE
- Bex: i see a ... a tub? SNACK TUB
- me: WOULD YOU EAT A TUB? i only eat packs. 'tub' makes you feel like a tub.
- Bex: i guess tubs are full of gross things. a tub of margarine.
- me: packs make you feel like you have a six pack. aka you're healthy
- Bex: do they come in vanilla?
- me: they come in all the traditional pudding flavors
- Bex: is pudding a snack? i always thought it was more of a treat. a snack is like some goldfish crackers
- me: a snack is any small serving of a food that isn't considered an entree. like you can snack on fries. but you couldn't snack on a burger. a treat is a bite-sized version of a dessert. ok so maybe snack pack should be in the treat bucket. i'm writing these rules and contradicting myself. they're treat packs. you're right. they're basically treat tubs.
- Bex: wait. i think the snack pack should be called a treat bucket. i think you just named it
- me: i'm convulsing right now. treat bucket.
- Bex: TREAT BUCKET
- me: omg. i'd buy them
- Bex: why does that make me feel so dirty? i'd buy them and strap them to my face like a feedbag. "i'm sorry, i can't talk to you right now, i am busy enjoying my treat bucket."
- me: "hold my calls" "r'ohm rorry, rah canghtralkyourow. riamburryenroyingmyreatbrucketrrrrrr"
- Bex: snerk. now i want a treat bucket SO BAD. let's go steal the one in the fridge.