Joan: If God had a name, what would it be?
Me: Trevor.
Joan: And would you call it to his face?
Me: Yes, but behind his back I’d call him Gwyneth.
Joan: If you were faced with him in all his glory, what would you ask if you had just one question?
Me: Why do phone companies think it’s OK to charge so much for text messages?
Joan: If God had a face, what would it look like?
Me: Like this weird combination of James Earl Jones and one or all of the Culkins.
Joan: And would you want to see if seeing meant that you would have to believe in things like heaven and in Jesus and the saints and all the prophets?
Me: I think seeing someone who looked like a weird combination James Earl Jones and one or all of the Culkins would be worth that, yes.
ZING.
Two or three times a week I cross paths with the same guy walking north as I walk south from my office building. He’s maybe 32 years old, 5’8”, with a short, well-coiffed head of near-violet hair. He (let’s call him Fred) usually wears shorts, a polo, big sunglasses, and a tote bag that looks glued to his side. I’m basically saying Fred’s hard to miss.
Because of his enormous sunglasses, I’ve never known whether or not we’ve ever made eye contact. But yesterday, after over a year of seeing each other two or three times a week on the same street at the same time, we both laughed at each other. I’m not exactly sure what the laugh meant, but we laughed.
Maybe I should ask for a picture with him next time.
“Michael Bay’s “Transformers: Dark of the Moon” is a visually ugly film with an incoherent plot, wooden characters and inane dialog. It provided me with one of the more unpleasant experiences I’ve had at the movies.”
“One special effect happens, and then another special effect happens, and we are expected to be grateful that we have seen two special effects.”
