Two or three times a week I cross paths with the same guy walking north as I walk south from my office building. He’s maybe 32 years old, 5’8”, with a short, well-coiffed head of near-violet hair. He (let’s call him Fred) usually wears shorts, a polo, big sunglasses, and a tote bag that looks glued to his side. I’m basically saying Fred’s hard to miss.
Because of his enormous sunglasses, I’ve never known whether or not we’ve ever made eye contact. But yesterday, after over a year of seeing each other two or three times a week on the same street at the same time, we both laughed at each other. I’m not exactly sure what the laugh meant, but we laughed.
Maybe I should ask for a picture with him next time.
Bex:DUDE. what is a chocolate snack pack? and why is it in the fridge?
me:it's just pudding. https://www.samedaygrocerydelivery.com/products/g1116.jpg but it's the best pudding because it has the best name
Bex:why is it called a SNACK PACK? a pack of snacks? i see no pack!
me:WHY WOULDN'T IT BE
Bex:i see a ... a tub? SNACK TUB
me:WOULD YOU EAT A TUB? i only eat packs. 'tub' makes you feel like a tub.
Bex:i guess tubs are full of gross things. a tub of margarine.
me:packs make you feel like you have a six pack. aka you're healthy
Bex:do they come in vanilla?
me:they come in all the traditional pudding flavors
Bex:is pudding a snack? i always thought it was more of a treat. a snack is like some goldfish crackers
me:a snack is any small serving of a food that isn't considered an entree. like you can snack on fries. but you couldn't snack on a burger. a treat is a bite-sized version of a dessert. ok so maybe snack pack should be in the treat bucket. i'm writing these rules and contradicting myself. they're treat packs. you're right. they're basically treat tubs.
Bex:wait. i think the snack pack should be called a treat bucket. i think you just named it
me:i'm convulsing right now. treat bucket.
me:omg. i'd buy them
Bex:why does that make me feel so dirty? i'd buy them and strap them to my face like a feedbag. "i'm sorry, i can't talk to you right now, i am busy enjoying my treat bucket."
me:"hold my calls" "r'ohm rorry, rah canghtralkyourow. riamburryenroyingmyreatbrucketrrrrrr"
Bex:snerk. now i want a treat bucket SO BAD. let's go steal the one in the fridge.
"Michael Bay’s "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" is a visually ugly film with an incoherent plot, wooden characters and inane dialog. It provided me with one of the more unpleasant experiences I’ve had at the movies."
"One special effect happens, and then another special effect happens, and we are expected to be grateful that we have seen two special effects."
If I’ve done my figurin’ properly, I’ve seen 26 of 2011’s releases. The list is below, with my 10 favorites haiku’d and in no particular order.
Nostalgia for the Light
The Chilean sky Bloody reign of Pinochet Lol lol subtitles
Are they or aren’t they Binoche is better than you Quit making me cry
Huge McCarthy fan Liking this was guaranteed Tell your folks to watch!
French Canadians Spend the entire movie Being good looking
O M G perfect Seriously O M G Emma Roberts sucks
Sure it is too long And sure everyone’s seen it But see it again.
Midnight in Paris
I’m so delighted By the thought of this movie Owen Wilson’s nose
Reichardt is my girl 4 by 3 aspect ratio Heat heat heat heat heat
Small Town Murder Songs
Short but enthralling An incredible soundtrack WHAT? MARTHA PLIMPTON?
Favorite of the year Won’t see anything better And I need a dog
Country Strong The Mechanic The Roommate Unknown Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives Hall Pass Take Me Home Tonight Jane Eyre The Housemaid Insidious Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Big Happy Family In a Better World Something Borrowed The Tree of Life Super 8 Page One
“I want my candidacy for the presidency of the United States to stand for a moment when we the people stand once again for the independence from a government that has gotten too big and spends too much and has taken too much of our liberties.”—
Michele Bachmann, 06/27/2011
(via bachmann2012 - I registered this tumblr months ago and look forward to updating it regularly.)
“Trying to understand these lyrics is like trying to understand Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain. The instrumentals have clearly quantum leaped into this song from the 80s, and their mission won’t be complete until they are featured in a movie. I’m thinking nighttime, outdoors, city skyline, a wandering lead character, etc.”—My sister on Bon Iver’s “Beth / Rest”
“On the other side of the spectrum, there are the sorts of hosts who love the attention—in fact, a prolific Tweeter may be been invited to a party solely to Tweet about said party!”—Advice from today’s GOOP that pretty much just slayed me. (via colinfitzpatrick)